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Author: Thomas

  • Poop deck: The bestseller

    Poop deck: The bestseller

    A thrilling new thriller from the writer who brought you Holy Orders (to Kill) and Nunnery with a Gunnery comes Devout of Time, the story of former police investigator Carol McCaffrey, a young nun who didn’t know when to quit.

    Accepted into the Our Lady of Totally Legitmateness convent, Carol found peace from the madness of her old life and job. Less traffic, less spam phone calls, and decent WiFi. It was the perfect change. But, she didn’t realize that while the convent was a haven for her, it was also one of secrets.

    Strange that, while on laundry duty, Carol discovered that her fellow nuns wear boxers. And why was there a submachinegun in the tabernacle? What could explain Mother Superior’s stash of Crime, Money Laundering and Deck Gardening magazines? Carol was sure she heard a “Flawless” buzzing behind Sister Michelle’s bedroom door for much longer than a quick touch-up takes.

    Was Sister Michelle who she appeared? She had to know because Carol couldn’t–not for a moment longer–deny those impure, steamy thoughts she had for Michelle’s sultry deep voice and broad, tantalizing shoulders. It was strange yet how often the other sisters mistakenly called her “Michael.” Strange, and exciting.

    As she unravels the dark, criminal world of this apparent convent, Carol reluctantly resurrects her police skills to fight the mob while her heart is torn by Michelle: the lover her heart yearns for, the criminal she must condemn. Time is running out for the Mother Superior suspects. Soon, she’ll make Carol take a vow of silence…permanently.

    The Lord works in mysterious ways; Carol works in deadly ones.

  • Poop deck: “Studying”

    Poop deck: “Studying”

    I believe him. He looks guilty, but the only stroking he’s doing is with that piece of charcoal.

  • Poop deck: Can’t it be both?

    Poop deck: Can’t it be both?

    Rosy cheeks, a sweaty glow, dreamy smile…results of aromatic banana bread fresh from the oven or something hotter?

  • Poop deck: Wax wroth with wrath

    Poop deck: Wax wroth with wrath

    I love “The Arabian Nights” and was so excited to see this beautiful version of it. Pretend gold-gilded pages, built in bookmark sash, hardcover. Damn the cost and take my debit card, you delightful tiny bookstore tucked into a cafe, I must buy it immediately!

    Faux-leather , faux-gold gilding, royal blue ribbon bookmark…who wouldn’t buy it?

    I took it home and began reading. It was more disappointing than an order of cold fries. Long-winded. Archaic language. Every story suffocated under words, words words, like this line from Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp:

    Hereat Aladdin was startled and so affrighted that he tried to fly; but, when the African Magician saw his design, he waxed wroth with exceeding wrath, for that without the lad his work would profit him naught…

    This writing enraged me with fury full of seething rage!

    Richard Burton was the translator. Like the general pictured above, Burton did some tremendously brave things, but was also a bit of a tit. I have this beautiful book that just sits on my shelf because he ruined it!1


    1 Don’t worry: I got a different version that I actually read.





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