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When I was a kid, I was crap in school. Then in grade 7, I turned things around and received a dictionary for my efforts. Inside, it read:
Most Improved
Thomas Kerslake
I guess there were three or four other Thomas Kerslakes skulking around that I never saw. Still, it’s better than that one kid whose dedication said, “Best in show.”
I love “The Arabian Nights” and was so excited to see this beautiful version of it. Pretend gold-gilded pages, built in bookmark sash, hardcover. Damn the cost and take my debit card, you delightful tiny bookstore tucked into a cafe, I must buy it immediately!
Faux-leather , faux-gold gilding, royal blue ribbon bookmark…who wouldn’t buy it?
I took it home and began reading. It was more disappointing than an order of cold fries. Long-winded. Archaic language. Every story suffocated under words, words words, like this line from Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp:
Hereat Aladdin was startled and so affrighted that he tried to fly; but, when the African Magician saw his design, he waxed wroth with exceeding wrath, for that without the lad his work would profit him naught…
This writing enraged me with fury full of seething rage!
Richard Burton was the translator. Like the general pictured above, Burton did some tremendously brave things, but was also a bit of a tit. I have this beautiful book that just sits on my shelf because he ruined it!1
1 Don’t worry: I got a different version that I actually read.
