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Tag: Women

  • Poop deck: The bestseller

    Poop deck: The bestseller

    A thrilling new thriller from the writer who brought you Holy Orders (to Kill) and Nunnery with a Gunnery comes Devout of Time, the story of former police investigator Carol McCaffrey, a young nun who didn’t know when to quit.

    Accepted into the Our Lady of Totally Legitmateness convent, Carol found peace from the madness of her old life and job. Less traffic, less spam phone calls, and decent WiFi. It was the perfect change. But, she didn’t realize that while the convent was a haven for her, it was also one of secrets.

    Strange that, while on laundry duty, Carol discovered that her fellow nuns wear boxers. And why was there a submachinegun in the tabernacle? What could explain Mother Superior’s stash of Crime, Money Laundering and Deck Gardening magazines? Carol was sure she heard a “Flawless” buzzing behind Sister Michelle’s bedroom door for much longer than a quick touch-up takes.

    Was Sister Michelle who she appeared? She had to know because Carol couldn’t–not for a moment longer–deny those impure, steamy thoughts she had for Michelle’s sultry deep voice and broad, tantalizing shoulders. It was strange yet how often the other sisters mistakenly called her “Michael.” Strange, and exciting.

    As she unravels the dark, criminal world of this apparent convent, Carol reluctantly resurrects her police skills to fight the mob while her heart is torn by Michelle: the lover her heart yearns for, the criminal she must condemn. Time is running out for the Mother Superior suspects. Soon, she’ll make Carol take a vow of silence…permanently.

    The Lord works in mysterious ways; Carol works in deadly ones.

  • Poop deck: Portrait me faster!

    Poop deck: Portrait me faster!

    I don’t know what she’s so sour about. What else did wealthy lords and ladies have to do back then? Idleness and ennui were their full-time jobs.

    …are they accepting applications?

  • Poop deck: Full Marx for half the bottle

    Poop deck: Full Marx for half the bottle

    Marx said “Religion is the opium of the people,”1 but history shows that people also used…well, opium.


    1Actually, he said a bunch of stuff in German. I’ve never read any of it, by the way.

  • Poop deck: The Moore’s the merrier

    Poop deck: The Moore’s the merrier

    “I’d like a suit, please.” I strode past the employee and ignored his greeting. From the water bottle in his one hand and phone in the other, he must have been going on a break. Did I care? Of course not. Does anyone care about people who work in customer service? No1. Not even their spouses or parents.

    “Custom fit,” I added, over my shoulder.

    He ushered me over to the three-way mirror, fetched a measuring tape and a tablet. After thirty minutes of fussing, he stood back up.

    “So,” he said, stretching his back. “I’ll get our catalogue of styles and fabrics so you can—“

    “No need, my friend. Make it like that one.” I pointed a sharp cut suit hanging from the wall.

    “Okay, fine. And how about the fabric?”

    I raised an eyebrow in what I thought was a both provocative and insouciant manner.

    “Black velvet…if you please.”

    He frowned. “We don’t carry black velvet. That’s not—“

    “No, no. Black velvet. Like this,” I said. I took a breath, my chest expanding like a marshmallow in the microwave. “‘BLACK VELVET IN THA’ LEETLE BOHY’S SMIIIIIIILE! BLACK VELVET IN THA’ SLOH SUTHUN STYLE!2”

    Point is, I’m not allowed in Moore’s3 anymore.


    1This sounds cruel, but as anyone who’s worked in customer service (including myself) knows, it’s true.

    2A song by Allannah Myles. Here’s the Wikipedia article

    3Moore’s being a men’s clothing store here in Canada (and owned by a US company who’s probably owned by some other company situated on the Moon).





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